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Bermuda is to tackle the issue of lack of space on the island through an audacious plan to annex the US. "We need space fast," said Bernie Inn, head of the Bermudian Underwriting & Monetary Managers Association. "If we don't do something soon, we're gonna have to build on the golf courses, and then no-one will want to come here."
He said that there had been a plan to extend the island by building out into the sea, but this was rejected on several grounds, according to Inn. "There was a lack of cement, but more importantly, a lack of construction workers," he said. "There's simply no room for them - we're overrun by catastrophe reinsurers. And then we realised that we'd lose our beaches if we built out to sea, and without beaches, no-one would want to relocate here."
"Annexing the US is the perfect solution," said Bermudian lawyer Ernie Winn "it gives us enough land to accommodate new re/insurers for at least the next couple of years. It also gets round the problem of US companies avoiding Bermuda because of corporate inversion legislation, or because of accusations of being unpatriotic."
"Many will say that Bermuda annexing the US is the most stupid thing they have ever heard, and will point to the insurmountable problems, the illegality, and the fact that the US will simply ignore it, or indeed, annex Bermuda," said Inn. "But we say, why not give it a try, nothing ventured nothing gained. Stranger things have happened, like a small tropical island becoming a major financial centre. I mean, how the hell did that happen?"
A US state department official said that the idea of being annexed by a British Crown Colony was absurd: "Jeez, haven't these people heard of the Boston Tea Party? Funny shorts and tea at 4 o'clock don't scare us. They wanna be the 51st State? It can be arranged."
But Mr Winn was in no mood to be threatened: "Bring it on big guy. You're running scared - all the big guns are relocating to Bermuda. Manhattan's gonna be a wasteland soon. Hamilton's where the action is, and you know it!"
BUMMA's Mr Inn was more conciliatory, recognising the main issue was land. "I'm sure we can work something out. We don't need much. South Carolina would probably do us nicely."
He did however suggest that should annexation talks falter with the US, there was always the option of talking to Canada: "Yes it's a long way away, but Canada has loads of free land to give away. But I admit, the shorts could be a problem up there."
According to the latest statistics from the UN, Bermuda has a population of 89 million, comprising 47 million re/insurers, 41 million banks, 900,000 accountants, 99,999 golf professionals, and two locals. Population density is 12 people per square foot (excluding golf courses, beaches, and reinsurance company atriums and executive dining rooms).
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