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Delphine's World of Risque Management

New chill burger is the dope

A well known US burger chain being sued? Surely an obesity-related claim? Trans fats? No, not even close. It has been reported that two US police officers are to sue a well known burger chain because they allege that the hamburgers had been sprinkled with marijuana. They are alleging personal injury, negligence, battery and violation of fair practices, apparently

The two officers (who were surprisingly not called Cheech and Chong) ate half of the burgers before noticing the marijuana. They then used a field test kit to confirm the substance was indeed marijuana, and then went and checked themselves into hospital. Three burger store employees were arrested on suspicion of tampering with the burgers and attempting to impede law enforcement officers in the course of their duty. They were charged with possession of the drug, and aggravated battery on an officer.

It all sounds a bit strange. Surely the drug would take much longer to take effect than it takes for a police officer to eat half a burger. If it had affected them that quickly, how were they able to operate a marijuana field testing kit (whatever that is) without giggling stupidly, and eventually giving up and having a sleep.

And instead of checking into the nearest hospital, surely they would go searching for the nearest all-night garage to purchase copious amounts of chocolate and biscuits.

I'll take the Moroccan
black burger, no fries

It is also unclear as to the exact nature of the personal injury allegedly suffered by the two officers. Can you claim for "feeling mellow", or "a bit chilled" or even "having the munchies"?

Still, laws were clearly broken. As for the perpetrators, you've got to be pretty stupid to a) waste your hard-earned drugs on strangers b) do it to a copper. Personally, I blame You Tube.

Suncream that cures sunburn

Great news for construction workers and other outdoors workers, especially those men who like to strip off to the waist when the sun is out. Cancer from sunburn could become the biggest new threat to the building industry by generating huge employers' liability claims in the future.

But new research has been published into a new sunscreen ingredient that actively repairs sunburnt skin and helps prevent the onset of skin cancer. That's right, forget Factor 30 suncream, you need Factor Skin Repair.

According to research published in the Journal of Investigative Dermatology, the new ingredient releases an active ingredient which mops up free iron that is released when the skin burns. This "reduces the inflammation and pain that goes with sunburn - which is exacerbated by the iron - and also prevents the build up of harmful sunlight-generated free radicals, which can lead to the development of skin cancers."

The original research paper has the sexy title "Caged-Iron Chelators a Novel Approach Towards Protecting Skin Cells Against UVA-Induced Necrotic Cell Death," but don't let that put you off.

So basically, you put on the suncream, that allows you to stay out longer in the sun, but because you think you are protected, you stay out too long, and get sunburnt, but the cream heals the sunburn, so you can end up looking like a walnut risk-free (ish).

Hopefully, this will be the start of many other similar products. Such as a keyboard wrist mat that contains soothing balms to prevent RSI, or a computer screen that automatically checks your eyesight every few hours to ensure that you aren't straining your eyes. Maybe even a dust mask that incorporates an inhaler to reduce occupational asthma, or better still, ear protectors that shout "Oi! Put your ear protectors back on you muppet!" when you attempt to take them off whilst still using a pneumatic drill.

Put the kettle on, luv, I'm a bit stressed out
Ooh that's better.
Luvverly cuppa.

We all know it. We've always known it. Everyone knows it. But now scientists have proved it: Tea is good for stress. It's long been the custom in Britain to offer a cuppa to someone who has experienced trauma or stress, rather than an alcoholic drink. A coffee just doesn't do it. Old British films like the Ealing comedies are filled with people saying

But until now, there was no scientific evidence. But thanks to a team at University College London, there is now proof that black tea helps to cut levels of the stress hormone cortisol circulating in the blood. The team said that tea has anecdotally been associated with stress relief, but this has seldom been tested scientifically.

Writing in the journal Psychopharmacology (now that sounds like a cool magazine to write for), the researchers found that volunteers who were given tea were able to relax after a stressful event more quickly than those who were given a tea substitute.

The repercussions from this are enormous. With stress claims being forecast to increase dramatically, employers need to find ways to show that they are managing the risk. What could be simpler than the provision of free tea to everyone. Judges could ask whether there was an element of contributory negligence by the claimant not drinking enough tea. Tea soaks could get a reduction in liability insurance.

The scientists could not, however, identify which ingredient in tea was responsible. This is great news because it means that they can't just take out the ingredient and put it in a pill. You have to make a brew, get the pot on, put the bag in the pot, stick kettle on, brew up. Shall I be mother?


Delphine - Who the Hell is She?
Delphine Jackson - Biography
Delphine's hunting ground
Delphine's hunting ground

(taken from “Delphine – the Risk Years”, published by Riskbitz Publishing 2004)

Delphine was born in London, moved to Bermuda when she was two, and then to Guernsey when she was three, and then on to Zurich, then to Koln, across to New York, then to the Cayman Islands, then Munich, followed by Trieste, Paris, Winterthur, Dublin, Hannover, and finally to Norwich. Her father was an insurance salesman.

She moved to London where she soon discovered that a glittering world awaited her in EC3. She spent much of the summer months at the CII library wiling away hot sunny days, while during the cold wet winter months she hung around the entrance to Lloyd’s, accosting brokers for change. Her coming out ball was held in the foyer of the then Commercial Union building, 1 Undershaft.

For many years she lived in a doss house near Liverpool Street station in order to be “close to the market,” but could not afford offices and therefore had to commute out to Reading where she had a room with a typewriter. She eventually found a position in the coatroom of the Institute of London Underwriters, and she was off in the giddy world of insurance.

Her glittering insurance career lasted for three weeks before she finally moved into journalism where her twin skills of drinking champagne and sharpening pencils were to stand her in good stead. She became editorial assistant on Insurance Titbits, and then assistant editor of Insurance Every Third Week, the leading once-every-third-week insurance magazine. She then moved to Retractions where she was deputy gossip columnist and finally gained the editorship of Pist magazine, an appropriate posting for this glamorous and champagne guzzling journo.

Travelating the Wave of Insurability
the serious stuff
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