Choose the month of the 2013 archive you would like to browse from the links below. You can choose other years to browse from the menu on the left.

Consultant calls for surreal risk management approach

Risk management consultancy VãcUöusity has come up with its latest risk management solution based on all the others it has come up with over the last ten years, but with a new name. The new solution, Surreal Risk Management, has taken two years to develop.

“Our strategy has been to rename our approach every few years,” said Harvard J Thwakkenbakker IV, senior vice. “We’ve been through integrated risk management, strategic risk management, holistic risk management, as well as sporadic risk management and chaos risk management. Our latest version is largely designed to confuse brokers and insurers, much like finite risk and securitisations.”

When asked to explain the basic philosophy of surreal risk management, Thwakkenbakker replied “Fish.” He added that if the risks were bundled into a orange container, then the lobster wouldn’t go to the moon. However, if one persisted in putting baked beans into a silo, then one would never get to think outside the purple plankton.” He said risk managers needed to adopt a catflap mentality if they were to drill down the risk management message.

He added “It might seem an odd approach to risk management but it’s no more surreal than some of the stuff that’s already out there. And this is really ‘out there’ if you know what I mean. Which you probably don’t. Have I ever told you about the time I…” Cont. p57